8 Ways to Maintain Friendships When in a Relationship (Or, You're Not as Bad as You Think)

Maintaining your friendships in the context of relationships can be tricky, especially if you’re the person in the couple who tends to get closer to friends than your partner does. If your partner wants to spend more time with you than with other friends, it’s important not to allow this shift in priorities to break the bonds you have with your other social ties, as this will leave you feeling isolated and unhappy if those connections are severed indefinitely. To maintain friendships when in a relationship, follow these eight tips...

1) Communicate

It’s easy for friendships to fall by the wayside when you become involved with someone—either romantically or platonically. For one thing, your schedule gets packed, and it can feel like there just isn’t enough time for friends. For another thing, there are emotional boundaries that have to be set when you start getting close with someone new; it makes sense that your relationship with old pals will suffer a bit. But if you really want to maintain those friendships from before—and maybe even develop new ones while you’re at it—it takes work.

2) Respect Boundaries

It can be difficult to learn how to maintain friendships when you’re in a relationship. Many people end up feeling like they have nothing in common with their best friends anymore; it doesn’t seem like they want or need that person around any more. But instead of slowly distancing yourself from your best friend, give him or her space and respect his or her feelings. This might be painful for both of you at first, but it will make things easier for everyone down the road. By respecting your friend’s boundaries and space now, you'll keep an important friendship alive well into your future. Friendship is very underrated these days!

3) Allow your significant other some alone time

It’s healthy for your significant other to have time alone with friends. And if you’re in a relationship for any length of time, it will happen at some point. There are times when we just need time away from our significant others. Don’t panic—it’s natural and healthy.

4) Remember why you are friends

Just because you are dating someone new doesn’t mean you have to abandon your friends. It’s easy when we start spending time with someone else that our other relationships take a back seat. Make sure you don’t do too much of that and continue with your other friendships. Don’t neglect them and remember why those friendships matter. Let them know how much they mean to you and don’t forget about them just because there is another person in your life now. Also remember that it is okay for new people to come into your life even if they may be friends with your other relationships now. Just make sure that doesn’t happen too often so you aren’t doing more dividing instead of adding friendship value for everyone involved.

5) Confide in your friend when things get tough

Sure, it's easy to share your feelings when things are going well. But what happens if one of you gets jealous? Or there's an argument? A great friend will support you and help you navigate these difficult moments so that you can better deal with them together. That's why it's important to open up and confide in your friend instead of trying to deal with things on your own or shut them out completely. In fact, doing so may strengthen your relationship. One survey found that men and women who have best friends enjoy greater intimacy and sexual satisfaction in their romantic relationships compared with those who don't have close friendships outside their partner. Knowing someone is on your side and has your back will make conflicts easier for both of you to work through.

6) Have a heart-to-heart with yourself or with your partner

Just because you are in love doesn’t mean that your friendships have to suffer. In fact, maintaining friendships and having supportive people around you can actually help strengthen your relationship. Talk with your partner about how important friends are to you and discuss how both of you will benefit from their presence. If one of your friends happens to be someone that your partner dislikes, then it might be necessary for him or her to spend less time with that friend for a while so that each of you has more quality time together. Be honest with yourself if you find that all your friends have similar interests and personalities. Consider branching out by joining clubs or classes where you can meet new people who might share similar interests but who also bring different viewpoints into your life. Discuss whether there are any issues that need resolving before things become too serious between you two. That way, even if things don’t work out romantically between you two, there is no awkwardness lingering between any of you. Your friendship is still intact and hasn’t been put on hold just because there was a spark between two other people! And lastly, try to remember that everyone is allowed to make mistakes—especially when it comes to choosing partners!

7) If you have nothing nice to say...

No matter how positive you are when your significant other does something nice for you, it can be hard to be quite so cheerful when he or she does something less than stellar. If you’re honest with yourself and recognize that it would do no one any good for you to start ranting about his/her shortcomings within earshot of others, steer clear of negative friends who might encourage otherwise. The last thing you need is someone else getting on your case about how right they are and how wrong your significant other is. Stay positive; maintain your friendships even if it means never uttering a negative word!

8) Celebrate your friendship!

Instead of falling into that trap of feeling like you have to spend all your time with your significant other and give up your friends, make an effort to celebrate your friendship. The key word here is celebrate; it’s okay if you need some one-on-one time with your friend! The occasional coffee date with a close friend is completely healthy and will help keep you from missing them too much. Remember that even when you’re with someone new and exciting, sometimes it can be hard for friends to understand what’s going on in our lives. There are times when we need time alone with our significant others—give yourself permission to do so! It’s all about balance.